Our second interview in the series is with Archie, or Oil Panic, or Police Machine, or... we''ll just stick with Archie for now! From the bonny Bairn City Rollers in central Scotland, Archie knows a thing or two about roller derby!

Hi! Tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Archie and I play/ref/announce/coach/antagonise for Bairn City Rollers, which is Scotland’s oldest open to all league (our WFTDA aligned team are the Central Belters, our MRDA aligned team is the Skelpies). We are based in Central Scotland and train in Grangemouth – the unofficial central hub of Scottish roller derby. It’s a running gag in Scottish roller derby that I change my name almost every bout. When I take to the track in the charity Sevens event ‘Krustfest’ in Dundee next month it will be as “The Man From LOX”, though previous used names include Oil Panic, Police Machine, Joseph Brony, Synthesizer Patel, Quantum Peep, Brownsound… I’ve been involved with derby for five and a half years, during which time I’ve done a little bit of everything – from lifting the Scottish Men’s Championships as a player to calling the knockout stages of a World Cup as an announcer to even refereeing the burning runaway locomotive that is British Championships.

How would you describe roller derby to someone who doesn’t know what it is?

It’s difficult to give the sport any justice with the traditional token entries like “British Bulldogs on wheels” or “Rugby without the ball” (I mean, actually visualise that one…). It’s a contact sport on wheels based around either skating past other people to score points for your team or stopping people skating past you to protect points for your team.

When you started roller derby, did you always know you wanted to coach? How did you end up doing it?

I had no idea if I’d be able to become a half-competent skater when I first started, let alone teach others how to skate. My initial plan was “maybe I’ll get good enough as a skater then look at becoming a ref”. I don’t specifically remember when I first started coaching, but derby teams being the volunteer-led entity that they are I probably just offered to help take a session one time when the regular coaches couldn’t make it and it grew from there.

What is your favourite thing about coaching fresh meat, and what is your least favourite thing?

When you see people start automatically performing skills without manually having to think about the operation of them, it’s satisfying that you’ve made a difference to someone’s ability. I remember how exciting it was when I first started playing public bouts, so if I can help someone else capture that sort of enjoyment then it’s worth it. Derby’s player retention rates are the enemy of the new skater coach. It can be demoralising to invest your time in a new wave of skaters only to lose three quarters of them before the end of their training schedule.

What top 3 tips would you give to someone who is about to start fresh meat?

Do as much skating as you can at things like roller discos. If you start getting general confidence on wheels, even if you’re just self-teaching yourself the basics of things like crossovers or plow stops by watching other skaters, it’ll give you a massive head start on being able to succeed in derby training. If you’re on a tight budget when it comes to getting your own gear, prioritise good knee pads above everything else. You’ll miss your knees when they’re gone. If the team you are wanting to join only do one or two intakes a year and you’ve got a while to wait, join them as a non-skating member and start NSOing at training scrims – which is a great way to start learning the rules and structure of the gameplay, as well as getting to watch the action from the best seats in the house.

What is the most common issue or obstacle you come across when coaching beginners?

If someone is a complete beginner to skating itself, the biggest initial barrier to their progress is getting them to relax on skates. It’s a tricky paradox – having a fear of falling and getting hurt leads to people skating with rigid limbs and having stiff body responses, but falling in this way is much more likely to result in injury (frequently, either putting out a straight arm to break a fall or landing on the tailbone in an upright position) than falling whilst having a relaxed body and being able to dissipate the impact safely. Despite all the clichés, rollerderby really isn’t actually that dangerous, especially as the gameplay continues to evolve into slower fixed walls focused on holding players. The chances of you getting bruised are high, the chances of you actually suffering a broken limb or ruptured ligament are extremely low.

Bairn City Rollers - https://www.facebook.com/BairnCityRollers/

Photo credit - Laura MacDonald

An interview with Archie

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